Untold Story about My Marriage Life

First of all, I wanna say; Happy 5th Anniversary for Us !! 

On this year anniversary, Reza and I decided to do a staycation in one of hotel in Jakarta. We picked Kempinski Jakarta for an overnight there. We both enjoyed the hotel hospitality, they also gave us a cake for anniversary gift. Enjoying a hotel in Jakarta on your wedding anniversary might be a good choice for us. Pool, sauna, jacuzzi and spa are awaiting us to do the slow living that weekend. We enjoyed it so much ha!  Will think about to do that again next year. 

But, today's post is not all about our anniversary. Behind all of that great photos together (and all photos on my instagram account) there are many untold story of joy, laughter, and tears. Today I want to share three points about how do I "survived" my first 5 years marriage life. The ups and downs moments, and how to learn, embrace, and deal with it.

1. KNOWING YOUR SELF and YOUR PARTNER

Even though I already dated him for 2 years, and already known him for almost 3 years, It doesn't mean I know everything about him. To be honest many things came up after we  marry. You discover more about your partner; some things that you liked, but mostly the things that you don't liked. It is easy to deal with the good side of your partner, but how to deal with the bad side?

After marriage I know the other side of my husband; his weird habit, his weakness point, his thought and his feeling. First, I can not accept many of them but as time goes, I learnt that you can not change people. Soon as I accept that, I stopped complaining and start to compromise. Sometimes life became easier if we changes our way of thinking. Even just a little. When I learn that Reza is an introvert, I try to ask him many many many questions because I know he won't tell me voluntarily about his feeling. I try to be open with him by telling about my feeling, when I'm happy and when I'm not. I said it frankly when he did or said things that makes me hurt or makes me happy. Sometimes we fight over things that not important and he ended up silent all night. Me? of course yelling all night until I'm tired. This is happened on our first year of marriage and did not know how to open our feeling and thought. Months after months we learned to describe our feeling and be more open one another. Try to say I'm sorry first after fight also a big step for us. We learnt as we grow over fight and forgiveness.

You just don't have to know your partner well but also your self better.

You can read my story about my husband as #Instahusband here

2. I GOT YOUR BACK!

In life, there will be no sunshine forever. Sometimes, we will have bad days. When that comes, we just keep encourage one another. Never underestimate your partner even in the most difficult condition ever. 

On our second year marriage, Reza decided to let go off his job in one of luxury property agent after working there around 3 years to start his own. This was kind of hard decision because we will lose one source of the income for a quite sometime. We talked about this several weeks, consider all the possibilities, when do the best time to did this and so on. Finally we made the decision that he can let go of his job and start his own. Although it seems that he had made up his mind that time.

What makes me agree about his action was his passion and hard-work. I always see how passionate he with any job he doing at the time. One time he also took 3 jobs in the same time (as a consultant and lecturer in 2 different university). I can not imagine if I'm in that position actually but he did it anyway. From that moment I know that he will always do his best for his life, for his job, and for his family so I gave him a chance (of course with some backup plan in case something going wrong).

Now the things is; Do our life become hard after his resignation? Maybe so. Even though he did not get any good deal with his clients, but we're doing fine. He gave me most of his time, sometimes accompany me to work while he worked in nearby coffee shop for the entire day. Happiness is not just come with great money I think (but hey I need that too). I think we're happy with the condition that time for almost one year, we become more understanding each other because we spent more of our time together more than any other couple I think. Because I met him 24/7. I kept supporting him anyway and never ever questioned him about his job. Boys need recognitions, not undermining. Why marry him if you do not believe that he will pull it off his problems eventually.  I just keep believing and encourage him. Baby, I got your back, trust me!

 

Long story short, he did a joint venture with his dad to build his own company now. It's been 2 years and half struggling with all of that stuff but Hey Baby, I still got your back too this time, trust me!

3. FAMILY INVOLVEMENT

If you or your spouse is an asian, marrying your spouse, means marrying the whole family. We both have to attend many family occasions, many family traditions and so on. You have to remember all of your partner's family names; aunts, uncles, cousins, or maybe even their not-so-close relatives. Sometimes it hard for even myself to do it. But the hardest part is to deal with the CORE FAMILY.

  

Reza and I come from different city, so both of our parents stay in different city as well (Me in Jakarta and Husband in Bogor). After marriage we decided not to live with both of our parents, but to living by our own (even though we have to take bank loan to own our apartment). I know that a house is very expensive nowadays and it's easier if we want to live in our parents house but we picked the hard way; not to live with our parents; because we want to know each other better when we enter the marriage life.

Tbh, I'm not that kind of person who want to live with my parent in law. WHY?

I know my strength and my weakness point which make living together become complicated. When staying together, you can not just be yourself. You must help your mother in law cook all the dishes and washed it all herself while in your home, your mother did all the stuff. You can not wake up late even in your weekend times because they will wake up early everyday and they will think you are lazy. You can not just buying stuff and put it in their home or take stuff and did not put it back. And the worst thing is you can not yelling or angry at your partner in front of his/her parents right?

I know I have flaws (everybody does too) so I decided not to amplify it by not staying together with my parent in law. I prefer to staying only with my husband, yelling at him when I'm angry, divided the cooked-washed dishes with him (mostly ended up buying food outside), buying stuff and put it anywhere we want. We did that for the first 3 years of our marriage. But almost these past two years we ended up in my parent house, but that's for another story.

However, to keep close with both of our parents, we do regular visit once or twice in a month, from just lunch time to going overseas together. We're both fine with that options and yet we still close with both of our parents in law. Do anything that make you both feel close with your family, but not too close.

But the most important things is you can show your love to your partner everyday, not only at your wedding anniversary, his/her birthday, or any special day. Just simply everyday because what you do everyday it will become a habit, and a good habit will make your relationship more strong. 

What I'm saying all is based on my experience during the 5 years marriage journey, This post is not mean to patronise other woman about marriage stuff, I have nothing to brag. Simply I want to share my belief on becoming a better person for your partner. Marriage life is not that simple, maybe we just got lucky. Our story might be different with your story.

The most important thing, you are the one who choose your life partner. Before you made that big decision please think very carefully. Sometimes it is not just about the age or the parents, it is all about how ready you are for your lifetime commitment.